Sunday, June 14, 2009

In The Future, My Gas Will Come From Uranus

In a previous blog entry, I lamented the permanent shortage of helium on the planet Earth, which will interfere with my plans for dirigible-based transport.

Don't give up hope, my dear friends! There is a solution. Space.

Apparently, there is a lot of helium in the Moon (Or is it The Moon? I'm terrible at title case.) and on other planets such as (no jokes, please) Uranus. All we have to do is get it.

The problems that I foresee are:

1) If you fill a spaceship with helium, how do you land it?

2) Space travel takes a long time and is boring. How do you stop the crew from wasting helium making funny voices for each other on the return trip?

3) How do you stop NASA and Burt Rutan from monopolizing the Helium supply? Let's face it: We can't trust NASA, not after they brought AIDS back from outer space.

I was driving back from my job as a citrus fruit colorer in Barstow last night, trying to think of a solution to these problems, but nothing came to me. I may have to stick with the armored dune buggy or the raft.

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