Friday, July 3, 2009


The other night, I snuck out of bed to watch one of the greatest movies ever made: Gymkata!

This little-known gem came out in 1985. Here's the plot:

The U.S. Government wants to install part of its Star Wars missile defense system in the mountains of the tiny Eastern European nation of Parmistan. The only way they will be allowed to do so is if they enter and win "The Game," a yearly competition which is kinda like cross-country running while being chased by ninjas.

The U.S. Government, naturally, recruits a young Olympic gymnast, whose father, one of their agents, disappeared (presumably dead but not really) in Parmistan.

A hot young Filipino chick teaches him the skills of the ninja very quickly so he can participate in The Game. They have sex during his first training session.

(To recap: U.S. Government recruits gymnast as secret agent, has Filipino chick teach him Ninjutsu (Japanese) so he can beat the Eastern European ninjas.)

Things go awry when the King's general decides to stage a coup in the middle of the contest while working extra hard to kill off the contestants of The Game. It's a race against time, etc.

In perhaps one of the most spectacular martial arts scenes in the history of movie making, the main character is being chased through "crazy town," where the Parmistanians send all their crazy people. As luck would have it, the crazy locals have built a pommel-horse out of concrete in their town square (Hey, like I said, they're crazy.) Our hero uses it to do gymnastikungfu on his pursuers.

I don't remember how the movie ends, because my wife got up and made me go back to bed.

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