Gertrude Baines, the oldest woman alive, died today. She lived to the age of 115 on a steady diet of ice cream, fried chicken, and bacon.
Here's the kicker: They think she died of a heart attack, but they won't be sure until after the autopsy.
Excuse me? Did she die under suspicious circumstances? She was 115 friggin' years old, for goodness sake. What could we possibly need an autopsy for, except perhaps to find out how she lived so long?
My grandparents all died of old age.